


The Greatest Gift

by ColieDuck



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, implied one-sided Dean/Lisa, mild Destiel, probably inaccurate portrayals of mental disease, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-16
Updated: 2013-03-16
Packaged: 2017-12-05 11:43:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/722898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColieDuck/pseuds/ColieDuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Memory was a curse, yes, he thought, but it was also the greatest gift. Because if you lost memory you lost everything.”<br/>― Anne Rice</p>
<p>Prompt: One character trying to get another to remember them [be it from an accident, meeting them after years apart, feel free to specify.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Greatest Gift

**Author's Note:**

> I have little to no knowledge of Alzheimer's, so I apologize for any and all inaccuracies found within.

The air tastes different as Castiel takes his first steps on earth after the war. It feels odd to be back inside a vessel after all this time, and though Jimmy's body is familiar and comforting, it's still very confining, almost like it's a tighter fit than it used to be. Or maybe he's just over-thinking it.

The earth has only taken 10 full journeys around the Sun since the last time Castiel was here, a much shorter time than in Heaven (but Castiel wants to put that horrendous long time behind him now, for the sake of his own conscience). Castiel has to remind himself that that's still a long time down here.

Obviously his mind goes to Dean first of all, but he is quickly reminded of the promise Dean made to Sam before his sacrifice, to live the normal life, one without hunting. Castiel is pleased that he's managed to retain enough knowledge of humanity to know that Dean wouldn't appreciate the sudden re-appearance of an angel in his new life, so he decides to go to Sam instead.

Sam, he's surprised and happy to see, has managed to procure his soul back from whatever dark corner of Hell it was resting in, though he's considerably less happy to hear why Sam hadn't reunited with his brother thereafter, he thought it uncharacteristically cruel of Sam to leave the weight of his demise on Dean's shoulders, as it was undoubtedly resting.

"Alzheimer's." Sam says, not bothering to cushion the blow for Castiel because he knows the angel can take it, but that doesn't stop the ripple of shock that flows through his being anyway. "Contracted it about a year after...y'know. At first I didn't care, 'cause of the uh, soul business, and once I was... me again it'd already progressed too far. It's real bad Cas, he barely remembers hunting anymore."

"You've spoken to him?"

The look in Sam's eyes immediately makes Castiel regret asking, the bitterness that masks a deep sorrow. "Not like it's a problem, he doesn't even know who I am."

In Castiel's falling year he'd vomited exactly once. It was especially unpleasant and he'd vowed then and there never to let it happen again. So far he's been doing well at keeping to that, but there's no mistaking the bile rising in the back of his throat at the thought of a Dean who doesn't know Sam. He just doesn't understand it. He's familiar with the disease and its effects of course, but Dean forgetting Sam defies all logic as Castiel knows it. He'd thought Dean too stubborn to let anything like that happen.

"Can we see him?" He finds himself asking, refusing to believe that what Sam's told him is true.

"Sure." Sam shrugs and there's that cynical look on his face again, it looks so wrong on his features and Castiel wants nothing more than to make that look disappear forever. "He's not gonna know you, I don't think it's gonna be a problem. Lisa's, you still know the way right?" He's stepped up into Castiel's space, staring down at him expectantly. Castiel narrows his eyes. No, this attitude doesn't suit Sam at all. Still, he reaches out to touch his forehead, and in the next instant they're in the suburbs, on the doorstep of one Lisa Braeden.

It occurs to Castiel fleetingly that Lisa isn't going to be accepting of Dean's brother and his angel, remnants of his old life, the one he no longer knows, dropping in for a visit. Maybe it suits her just fine the way it is, the Dean she now has not being the broken and battered one that Sam and Castiel know.

The tears that well up in her eyes the moment she sees Sam say otherwise though.

"You must be Cas." She says to Castiel as soon as she releases Sam from a tight hug. "He used to tell me all about you, before, well, I'm sure you know." Her forlorn expression is enough to tell Castiel that this is hurting her just as much as it's hurting them, that this is still her having to watch a man she cares for waste away in front of her.

"Is he okay for us to see?" Sam asks gently, a large hand resting on her shoulder in support. Some things never change, Castiel supposes.

Lisa nods, seemingly invigorated by Sam's touch. "He's in the living room." Her gaze sweeps over Castiel again, ideas rising like clouds in her mind. "You angels can work miracles, right? That much is true?" Castiel's solemn nod sparks hope in her deep brown eyes. "So, you don't...you don't think you could fix him could you?" She seems nervous, almost shy, as if she's realised just _what_ it is that she's talking to, how inappropriate her request would be if this was any angel but Castiel and any human but Dean.

"It is within my capabilities."

"So you will?" Her entire countenance is alive with hope now, her soul singing in its relief. Castiel can appreciate now why Dean had been so fond of her, she really is beautiful.

He glances over to Sam, who's keeping his face deliberately blank, though Castiel can see every one of his roiling emotions like he was shouting them; disbelief that the solution could be so simple, annoyance both with himself for not thinking of it sooner and at Castiel for about the same reason, excitement that he might be getting his brother back, trepidation and wariness of the whole situation, and a guilt that maybe this isn't what Dean would want. "If it's what you both want of me, then yes."

Lisa appears to barely restrain herself from clapping her hands, covering the aborted movement by pushing the door open wider and beckoning them inside, chattering excitedly. 

Sam nods and starts to follow her inside, but Castiel halts him with a hand on his shoulder. He scrutinizes the boy, gaze boring into his. "Sam, is this really what you want?"

Sam blinks, looking somewhat shocked that Castiel managed to pick up on his uncertainty. Castiel doesn't know whether to feel insulted or proud of himself. Sam reflects on the question, his thoughts still chaotic and jumbled.

"I really don't know yet." He eventually replies before loping inside without another word. Castiel makes an aggravated clucking sound in the back of his throat. _Winchesters_. One day he'll get tired of putting up with all their tragically human quirks. Today is most certainly not that day.

\---

Dean doesn't look too worse for wear, but his soul is radiating so dimly that Castiel is thrown back into his memories of his siege of Hell, finding this very same soul twisted and blackening around the edges, it's natural light a pale ghost of its former self. The anger that had overcome him to see it in such a state was unbecoming of an angel, Castiel sees it now as a reminder of his own naivety back then, how thoroughly appalled he had been to see one of his Father's most precious creations corrupted like this, having not realised it was the same sad case for every demonic soul he'd spent the last forty years mercilessly cutting down in his search for the Righteous Man.

Still though, he remembers how long it had taken Dean's soul to return to its former glory even after being returned to earth, the many months he'd spent checking in on its progress, the little pokes of Grace he'd sent it when he felt it was stagnating. All this he'd done for Dean without his knowledge, the care and attention he'd given that one little soul, insignificant in the grand scheme of things and yet it meant so much to Castiel.

And here it is, looking just as weak and pathetic as it had all those years ago. And here is Castiel, so much older and wiser and still feeling the rage of his youth build up inside at the sight of it.

He's dimly aware of the corporeal world around him, of Dean's cloudy eyes staring up at him in that achingly familiar way, disgruntled and resentful and just a side of uncomfortable as Castiel stares him down with eyes that have seen more than he could ever conceive, but without a hint of recognition. He can also feel Sam's hand gripping his bicep, futilely trying to pull him away, hears his voice as though it were underwater telling him to "Just tone it down a little, man, you're freaking him out.".

"Hello, Dean." He says, a tiny part of him holding onto the hope that his voice will do something to jog Dean's fraying memory.

Dean, however, just squints up at him and his shoulders twitch in a semblance of a shrug. "Look, buddy, if I used to know you or something I'm sorry but I've got no memory of you at all, so would you mind not glaring at me like you're hoping I'm gonna burst into flame?"

It hurts just how much he sounds like himself, but the words are enough to tell Castiel that the Dean he used to know so intimately is long gone. His fingers burn with the need to fix it. He glances over to Sam, who's staring at the floor with every scrambled emotion warring for dominance on his face.

"Sam." The boy's head snaps up to meet Castiel's gaze, hair flopping into his eyes. "I hope you know what you want now."

Sam's expression is one of anguish as he looks between Castiel, Lisa and Dean. "I just... I don't know. I can't tell if this is right anymore, I mean, it doesn't seem fair does it? He doesn't know anything about hunting or the supernatural or any of the terrible things we've had to do in this life. And we want to just make him remember all of that again? This is a perfect chance for him to escape our lives and we're gonna force him back into it." He settles his gaze on Lisa. "Isn't it easier for you to live with a guy who doesn't know the horrors he's seen? You don't have to deal with all the weight he puts on his shoulders or the nights where he screams himself raw because Cas isn't there to take his Hell dreams away. It's kinder, surely to leave him like this."

Lisa stares at him uncomprehendingly, equal parts confusion and anger on her face. "He's suffering like this Sam. He's in pain, and he's dying, and he's losing all the parts of him that make him who he is. Maybe it is unfair to show him how hard his life really is, but right now his life is just as hard, ghosts and demons or not. This is Alzheimer's Sam, and it can happen to anyone, because sometimes the normal life is just as much of a bitch as yours." She sighs, staring wistfully at Dean, who's gazing off into the middle distance, as detached from the conversation as can be. "And for what it's worth, I don't think this was ever supposed to be the life for him."

Silence reigns as Sam processes what he's just heard. It's hard for him, Castiel knows, to accept that the 'Apple pie' life that he's always dreamed of isn't actually what everyone aims for, his brother included. Eventually he looks back at Castiel, his eyes shiny and wet, and gives him a nod that Castiel immediately returns, grateful.

He goes to his knees in front of Dean, still just as glassy-eyed as he was before.

"Dean." No reaction.

" _Dean_." He repeats, harder, and finally Dean turns his head to Castiel, fear flaring up at the sight of this man he doesn't know so close to him. Castiel feels like he'd be saying something about personal space at this point, if he could.

"I apologize," He says as he extends his fingers towards Dean's forehead, concentrating his Grace onto the task he's about to perform. "But this is necessary. Dean, remember me." 

End.


End file.
